''THE MAMMON'S WEB''\n\nAn ex-movement game by Kevin Williams\n\nCreated in Twine\n\nThanks to:\n\n- Madamluna for inspiration\n- Anna Anthropy for the sweet tutorial\n- Random.Org for procedurally-generated integers\n\n<html><a href="http://www.formspring.me/SimonBob">Questions?</a></html>\n<html><a href="http://twitter.com/SimonBob">Comments?</a></html>\n\nThanks for playing.
''Scamper''\n\nYou start to run and don't turn back. You don't realize until you're tired that you're incapable of stopping, and by then [[it's too late|I didn't know that it was over]]. If you stop, you die. When you die, you'll stop.
''Purrrrrr''\n\nMmmmmm. It is so nice when they give you lovely rubs behind your ear. Makes your tail go all swishy. This goes on for about five minutes, and then the magic bell rings. You don't know why, but whenever that bell goes off, someone goes over to the table and starts talking to you. You enjoy verbal attention more than patting, so you go over and hop up on the [[chair|Fake leopard-print chair]].
<<silently>>\n<<set $endings = 0>>\n<<set $wtfLoop = 0>>\n<<set $NoIdiot = false>>\n<<set $YesIdiot = false>>\n<<set $CatEnd = false>>\n<<set $DogEnd = false>>\n<<set $PotatoEnd = false>>\n<<endsilently>>[[The Mammon's Web|Tracking]]
''Fake leopard-print chair''\n\nYou like this chair because it matches your natural jaguar sheen. It's like you're totally camouflaged. Not that you have any natural predators in here. You're at the top of the food chain, fearlessly stalking the delicious salmon, the not-quite-as-good [[land tuna|Poultry]], and the rare and elusive treatsies. Oh, those treatsies. You don't know how you'd get to bed at night without them. It's awfully tough being a cat.\n\nLooks like the human is done talking to you. Your options include [[having a nap|Dream river]] or [[not having a nap|Photon chaser]].
''B7913E''\n\n[[Lemon grass|4016]]\n\n[[Hot chocolate|94864]]
''Potatototo''\n\nThat's the sound a potato makes.\n\nOOPS YOU GOT BOILED IN A POT GAME OVER. That'll learn ya to pick the obvious comedy option. [[OR WILL IT?|Tracking]]<<if not $PotatoEnd>><<set $PotatoEnd = true>><<set $endings = $endings + 1>><<endif>>
''Chew slippers''\n\nYou take a big ol' chunk of slipper in your [[teeth|Gnawing]]. Mm, delicious leather. Somebody [[whaps|Catharsis]] you with a newspaper. You [[can|Can-can]] stop chewing the slipper or you can keep chewing it, but then you just get whapped again, so I dunno. Reread the previous sentence or something if that's what you do.
''My first crush''\n\nShe liked to figure out what people's names were when she said them backwards. She really liked how mine sounded and used it as my nickname for the rest of the year. I really preferred hanging out with the older kids instead of my own classmates, but it's hard to keep that up in elementary school, especially when I kept going to places that ended at weird levels (I was in the oldest possible class in [[three separate years|B7913E]].)
''Nom''\n\nOM NOM NOM. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM. FEESH IS DEELEESHIOUSH!\n\nNow that you've eaten a [[tasty fish|Sometimes it's nicer to be a goldfish]], you can either [[take a nap|Giving away a nap]] in the sunbeam or [[play a video game|Pac-Man is a registered trademark of Namco]]. You're just a cat so obviously you can't play a musical instrument.
''Walk-off''\n\nThere are so many goddamn commercials with fake car chases in them now! If I have to hear one more grinding engine, skidding tire, or wailing siren, I'm going to throw the [[television|Scamper]] out the [[window!!|Perception]]
''1111111111111''\n\n[[52667|51817]]\n\n[[90745|45633]]\n\n[[33975|91477]]
''New car smell''\n\nYou rush downstairs, giddy as a mouse, maybe you are a mouse but not today you aren't. Because today is CHRISTMAS MORNING and you gotta know what Santa left you, even though you're certain you already know, because you left him a letter by the chimney before starting your advent calendar and it wasn't there the [[next|Eerily familiar handwriting]] morning.
''5310''\n\n[[Jumping.|6A50A8]]\n\n[[Falling.|94864]]
''Self destruct''\n\nKABOOM!\n\nYou're dead. But you took that asshole Nidoking with you. Bits of rodent-dinosaur flesh fall all around your trainer. Ha ha, "trainer." Like they taught you how to murder yourself as a means of protection. What a world. [[Let's go to a different world instead.|Tracking]]<<if not $DogEnd>><<set $DogEnd = true>><<set $endings = $endings + 1>><<endif>>
''Incident''\n\nIt really cracks me up when some asshole writes a painfully self-righteous article about how the brand of cigarettes you smoke define you as a person, and specifically a much less worthwhile person than them unless you happen to pick the same kind as them (and even then you're still just underneath them or else you'd be writing articles about cigarettes too.) Brand identification is such an [[American|Scamper]] idea. Nobody in [[Canada|Walk-off]] cares what they're smoking, as long as it's giving them a nice buzz and maybe a tingly warm feeling in the wintertime.
''Photon chaser''\n\nYou decide to put off your nap. Instead you will investigate this shiny bit of the carpet over here. Aha! It seems this area is nice and warm, and that makes you [[drowsy|Dream river]]. What a delightful discovery. As good as when you found out the same thing yesterday.
''Knockout roll''\n\nJustice is the highest, noblest purpose. Nothing else matters as long as wrongs are righted and sins are punished. Never mind what these mortal eyes perceive; the [[gods|5310]] are watching, and they smile upon your good deeds.\n\nWhen you die you get to have a lot of wild, kinky sex with the gods. That's the kind of thing that gets other people excited about a religion.
''8868758''\n\nYou throw the football into the [[garbage|45633]].
''91477''\n\n[[7532|5310]]\n\n[[1733|4016]]
''High octane''\n\nYou sign your name to the claim check and take your keys back. "Never mind the spill, honey." She waves you off even as you helplessly hover over the fresh coffee stain on the carpet with a tissue in your hand. "The cleaner'll get it in the evening." Well, alright. You still feel bad but you guess you can leave it to a [[professional|It'd be better for me]].
''I am an idiot''\n\nNo you're not. Don't be so hard on yourself.\n\n[[Okay.|Gnawing]]<<if not $YesIdiot>><<set $YesIdiot = true>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $NoIdiot>>[[NO WAIT BUT YOU SAID --|Self destruct]]<<endif>>
''Poultry''\n\nSeriously, why do they even give you this stuff. It is clearly not any sort of fish, much less a "land tuna." They try to disguise it by putting in the tasty grass, but you're too keen for that sort of trickery. Your feline senses always tip you off. You still eat it, but you flick your tail in a [[discombobulated|Fake leopard-print chair]] fashion to express your annoyance.
''...''\n\n[[...|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]]
''Tracking''\n\nThe year is <<if $endings eq 0>>1920<<endif>><<if $endings eq 1>>1995<<endif>><<if $endings eq 2>>2006<<endif>><<if $endings eq 3>>a copy of Ray Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451" translated into Finnish<<endif>>. You are a [[cat|Meow]]. You are a [[dog|Bark]]. You are a [[potato|Potatototo]].\n\n<<if $endings eq 3>>[[You are a glass of fruit punch, heavily sedated.|What the fuck?]]<<endif>>
''623445687''\n\nAnswer honestly:\n\n1: [[It's not fair for the teacher to suddenly become concerned about the health risk of sending you out on the gym floor without shoes after she let you do it all those other times but this time the grade sixes are playing dodgeball with you.|My first crush]]\n\n2: [[My only regret is that I didn't care if the teacher was looking when I punched someone.|Knockout roll]]\n\n3: [[I secretly still think of people as objects, not other living beings.|51817]]
''51817''\n\n[[543DAB|6A50A8]]\n\n[[33AFE6|B7913E]]
''Meow''\n\nThere is a ball of [[yarn|Tangle]] to play with. Or you can eat a [[delicious fish|Nom]]. Also someone is trying to [[pat|Purrrrrr]] you.
''What the fuck?''\n\nWhen I turned thirty, at my birthday party which was thrown for me, I looked around at all my guests, my parents and my best friends and my favourite acquaintances and extended family and a few people I hadn't seen in a couple of years because they'd been in the army, and my dear sweet grandma who is my last surviving grandparent, and I said out loud in front of all of them:\n\n<<if $wtfLoop lte 14>>[["What the fuck am I doing?"|What the fuck?]]<<else>>"What the fuck am I doing?"<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 1>>When I was nineteen, I discovered that alcohol was a handy and delicious way to make myself happier and more pleasant while expunging my conscious mind of terrible memories.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 2>>When I was twenty-seven, I finally decided and agreed that alcohol had taken too terrible a toll on my life, and I went in search of help to control my drinking problem.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 3>>When I was fifty I realized that I'd been alive long enough to have something useful to say, and I wrote a book telling stories, some true, some wholly fictionalized, all with some useful moral or tidbit or just a shaggy-dog joke at the end.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 4>>When I was fifteen my math teacher caught me staring at her heaving bosom while she bent over to pick up a piece of chalk, but she was too knowing of the confusion of high school social politics to ever say anything out loud about it, communicating only through a single sharp glance which immediately put my mind elsewhere.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 5>>When I was six or seven, my sister and I were playing "swordfight duel" in the lake at the cottage. I said I had a Psycho Sword, which was the strongest one. She said she had another sword which was even more powerful and I said, no, you can't do that, the Psycho Sword is the strongest so just pick that. And she got mad and said I was being unfair and keeping her from winning. All I was really trying to do was make sure the playing field was even so that our contest would be decided on skill alone, but she wouldn't hear of it. To this day it is one of our few bones of contention (and she still refuses to accept my perfectly rational explanation about trying to make it equal.)<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 6>>When I was three I killed a mosquito and ate it.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 7>>When I turned twenty-five, I was hungry, I had drive. I got much older then.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 8>>When I was forty-one I decided to go on a cross-country trip just for the hell of it. My wife didn't understand and I think this may have contributed to our divorce. In retrospect I shouldn't have left on our anniversary.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 9>>When I was forty-three I lied about having ever been married.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 10>>When I was twenty-two, the Ottawa Senators made it to the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in modern franchise history. The whole city was fired up. A screen was erected at City Hall and people were invited to camp out and watch on the lawn. We only won one game but it was the most celebrated win of the era. I like to think the city could've sustained a riot if we'd actually won the cup, or even just made it to game seven.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 11>>When I was thirty-five, three people died in a sports riot.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 12>>When I was twenty-seven, I made a concerted effort to stop thinking about bad or sad things. It worked for a time, and then a whole bunch of really awful things happened all at once, which opened the floodgates on everything else in the back of my mind.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 13>>When I was sixteen I bought a used copy of Dragon Warrior and leveled up to 30, the maximum, while listening to The Tragically Hip's "Music @ Work" over and over again.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 14>>When she was sixteen, our cat Nellie McClung ate some sawgrass and cut her stomach up real bad. The vet said we might just want to put her down but dad said, "no, our cat is a member of the family" and paid for surgery without blinking at the price tag. Nellie lived for another five years (yeah, a twenty-one year old cat, holy fucking shit) and enjoyed every minute of it.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $wtfLoop gte 15>>[[When I was twenty-eight.|You Win!]]<<else>><<set $wtfLoop = $wtfLoop + 1>><<endif>>
''45633''\n\nUh oh. Now you've done it. They all turn to look at you. This is not going to end well. The old woman in the town tried to warn you not to put together the puzzle in such a haphazard fashion. But you didn't think that meant you'd only get one chance. That's not really fair, is it? Well, what's fair about robbing the grave of a former heraldic figure? Just because you don't believe in ghosts doesn't mean they didn't.\n\nAh, now you can see. Each of the insects has the face of the person they used to be. Some of them were prisoners, others were would-be robbers like you. But all of them are bugs now. Or no, you guess maybe they just reflect those things, as a sort of information database in case the keepers of the tomb ever choose to check in again. What a fascinating defense system, you think, as they [[burrow|Electric Lawn Mower]] into you.
''Sometimes it's nicer to be a goldfish''\n\nWhen you're strange, faces come out of the rain.\n\nWhen you're strange, no one remembers your name.\n\nAlso [[you're being eaten|Nom]] by a cat.
''Inside.''\n\nOne (1) Nintendo Entertainment System "Power Pack", including two (2) controllers, one (1) Zapper™ Light Gun, one (1) copy of Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt, and of course, one (1) NES Control Deck.\n\n[[...|...]]
''Perception''\n\nYou are a fairly decent bottle of single-malt scotch. Aged 15 years in a sherry cask. You were delivered in a case with thirty-one of your brethren, each of you contained lovingly by a [[cardboard sleeve|Incident]] bearing information about your distillery. It goes without saying that somebody wants to [[drink|High octane]] you.
''Pac-Man is a registered trademark of Namco''\n\nA registered trademark, understand? Not just ™ but ®!\n\n[[I understand.|Nom]]
You are a wolf. You are spending your formative years here, in the forest. Once you have grown old enough you may go to [[college|623445687]].
The Mammon's Web
''Giving away a nap''\n\nSeems like every time you try to lie down, someone wants to give you cuddles or even snuggles. These people are crazy! It's like they expect you to give something back just because they feed you and keep a roof over your head. One of them says that petting you helps keep their [[blood pressure|High octane]] down, but you feel that your graceful presence alone serves this purpose just fine.\n\nUh-oh. Looks like one of 'em is coming your way.\n\n[[Scamper off!|Scamper]]\n\n[[Submit to cuddly snuggles.|Purrrrrr]]
''Bruin Terror''\n\nYou are a bear. You are asleep. You will not wake up for at least another month. You have no idea that you are actually a person. It's so simple. They just [[feed the idea|Can-can]] into your head in a single sentence and you generate the illusion, using your own sentience and creativity against yourself.\n\nWho needs jails or propaganda when I can [[trick someone|Chew slippers]] into believing anything? "You are a member of the 2056 Chicago Cubs and you have just won the World Series." See how easy that is?
''Strange, disappointing''\n\n"SORRY, RAN OUT OF 'ELECTRIC TALKING BATTLESHIP.' HOPE THIS WILL DO INSTEAD."\n\nYour sadness is so palpable, you can taste it in the back of your throat. But you won't cry. At least not until you [[open the box|Inside.]] and see for yourself what inferior substitute Santa saw fit to punish you with. You didn't think you were bad this year, but you must've been REALLY bad after all.
''4512788''\n\n[[93159|623445687]]\n\n[[801|94864]]\n\n[[11111111|1111111111111]]
''94864''\n\nYou are filled with regret[[...|91477]]
''Eerily familiar handwriting''\n\nThere's a large rectangular box wrapped in shiny aluminum foil on the table. Wow! Santa went all out this year. The box has a card on top. You [[flip it open|Strange, disappointing]], eyes alight with expectation.
''I didn't know that it was over''\n\n'til it was [[too late|Gnawing]].
''You Win!''\n\nYou got LASER GUN!\n\nYou got PSYCHO SHIELD!\n\nYou got WOLF PENDANT!\n\nYour got a INTELLIGENCE MEDICINE!\n\nYou got EQUIPPED WITH ITEM-2!\n\nGo!\n\nGo! Go!\n\nYou can do it!\n\nYou're a [[real hero|End]] tonight!
''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA''\n\nOHMYGOD OHMYGOD MOM DAD WAKE UP LOOK LOOK COME DOWNSTAIRS LOOK WHAT SANTA BROUGHT ME I GOT A NINTENDO SANTA GOT ME A NINTENDO AAA I CAN'T BELIEVE IT IT'S A NINTENDO NO FORGET ABOUT PRESENTS OR BREAKFAST JUST PLUG IT INTO THE TV ALREADY SO I CAN PLAY MARIO CAN WE GO TO THE VIDEO STORE AND RENT A GAME I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY DRAGON WARRIOR AGAIN DO YOU THINK ANY STORES ARE OPEN TODAY DO YOU THINK WE COULD GO BUY MARIO THREE I'M GONNA PLAY NINTENDO EVERY DAY I'M GONNA PLAY NINTENDO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE EXCEPT FOR WHEN I'M OLDER AND I'M ACTUALLY MAKING NINTENDO GAMES MYSELF OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER[[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|623445687]]
''Can-can''\n\nYou attempt to do a backflip and wind up [[crashing through|Perception]] the coffee table. There are [[shards of glass|Walk-off]] in your arms and legs and it's quite [[painful|Incident]].
''4016''\n\n[[Take a penny.|45633]]\n\n[[Take fifty million dollars.|8868758]]
''Gnawing''\n\nYou are a shark. You have eight rows of teeth in your mouth. Sharks are p.much entirely composed of teeth. When a shark [[dies|Self destruct]], its entire body decomposes except for its teeth and its elbows. Of course sharks have elbows! Are you an idiot?\n\n[[Yes|I am an idiot]]\n\n[[No|I'm not an idiot]]
''Electric Lawn Mower''\n\nWHRRRRRRRRRRRRRR\n\nAnother thing you can do is cut oranges in half, and then cut them in half again, and put them in a plastic bag, and you can have a little break.\n\n[[WHHHHRRRRRR|Tracking]]<<if not $CatEnd>><<set $CatEnd = true>><<set $endings = $endings + 1>><<endif>>
Kevin Williams
''6A50A8''\n\n[[Having|45633]], or [[getting|8868758]]?
''Bark''\n\nBark bark bark!\n\nBark bark [[ruff|Chew slippers]]?\n\nWoof woof [[bow wow wow|Sometimes it's nicer to be a goldfish]].
''Tangle''\n\nYou rough up that yarn like nobody's business. That'll learn it to be so stringy and delightful. Everyone thinks you are adorable and somebody gives you a [[cat treat|Sometimes it's nicer to be a goldfish]].
''Dream river''\n\nYou are chasing a fish upstream against a steady flow of starlight and varsity letters. Your paws are large and grotesque, like those of a [[bear|Bruin terror]]. The fish leaps and dances, sparkling against the dark sky in every direction. A song that sounds familiar plays over a car commercial. Here is the news: the news is dead. [[Here is the news|Chew slippers]]; you are no longer certain of who your favourite band is. Here is the news* appended by a key correction which renders yesterday's headline obsolete, except in the collective unconscious. That was their intention all along. You can [[ask for|4512788]] anything you like for the [[holidays|New car smell]].
''I'm not an idiot''\n\nYes you are. It's frankly a miracle that you're able to operate in society in any way, shape, or form.\n\n[[Okay.|Gnawing]]<<if not $NoIdiot>><<set $NoIdiot = true>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $YesIdiot>>[[WAIT EXCEPT I THOUGHT YOU SAID --|Self destruct]]<<endif>>
''It'd be better for me''\n\nif you don't [[understand|Gnawing]].