The Mammon Philosophy

Cautiously picking my way through the umpteenth group of stilt-walking Shy Guys in search of the red coins, I abruptly reached over without looking, saved a state on the emulator, and closed the game. I was in either world 5 or 6; I don’t know which, because after so many, they all start to look the same, especially the cave levels. How many Chomp Rocks on inclines do we really need? Even though Yoshi’s Island has a multitude of moves and endearing crayon-like graphics, no other Mario game feels quite so tedious. I’m convinced it’s because of the necessity for red coins and flowers. If they didn’t need to hide those all over the place, they could have briefer, more meaningful levels, the kind they had in SMB3 or Super Mario World. On the other hand, the baby-Mario dynamic is definitely an encouraging factor: I hate the crying so much, I’ll do anything to keep from getting hit. Of course, it happens anyway, because everybody and their brother is out to get Yoshi. Reaching the end with only 29 stars and having to use a bonus item to max out gets old fast. Anyway, I got all the bonus levels, so I can finally put this sub-par sequel to rest.

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It was a hell of a day last Friday. Around 11 am Eastern time, word got out that the ESRB had rated EarthBound for the Wii, and by the end of the day I’d tracked about a dozen sites that were reporting the news. It was incredible to see how much widespread support there was for the game — this was barely more than a piece of conjecture, and yet it became the biggest Virtual Console story since the VC was announced — and I got a taste of what it must feel like to work for one of those big five-stories-a-minute sites that keep me so well updated on my RSS feeds. Frankly, I liked it. Not saying I’m gonna drop everything and turn Mammon into a full-time job just yet, but at least I know I’m moving in the right direction.

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